new year new me

intro

typical, new year new me post, only I am five months and sixteen days too late. I’ve always loved writing, and I’ve always wanted to make my own blog. I used to write before, online, I thought it was cool only because I was able to change the background to black while my text was neon green, and the font was a typewriter – preformatted type. I never really knew what to write about but my only motivation right now is being five seasons into the very popular show, Gossip Girl, except I’m way too late to a show that ended seven years ago in December. It’s so odd how one person can control so many lives with just a few words and sentences, while hidden behind a screen.

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okay, but you have to admit that picture was funny. I’m so invested in this show it’s unreal, but admit it: you would love to live a life as glamorous as Blair Waldorf or Serena Van Der Woodsen (assuming whoever is reading this has watched Gossip Girl).

insert quote: “What would Blair Waldorf do?”

I could probably go on forever about that show but what I’m going to leave it as is: you can be the Serena Van Der Woodsen or Blair Waldorf of wherever you are but you can’t confess that they didn’t have their own issues – as will/do you.

TV shows are an escape. From everything, I mean, thank the gods for Netflix, right? Well anyway, I’m sitting here procrastinating because I’ve got an exam tomorrow and I might even write tomorrow. It’s an exciting feeling beginning again or doing new things. I want this blog to be something I keep. So whoever wants to be in this journey with me – please keep going.

As you can tell, I ramble and ramble and….. I think you get it. I’ll clean up once I keep writing but as for now, enjoy random lines about how I feel, what happened recently and most probably TV shows (Pretty Little Liars and Riverdale currently) oh, and you do not want to miss my theories! I’m gonna end this on a nice note, and of course a Gossip Girl quote;

 

“One thing about being on the top of the world: It gives you a long, long way to fall.”

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VIRGINITY IS A SOCIAL CONSTRUCT

I LOVE SEX 

Are you interested yet? I think so.
Let’s talk about virginity today and why it shouldn’t exist!! Tumblr is the reason I thought of writing a bit about this. Let’s begin with where the term first came from. The term virgin originally only referred to sexually inexperienced women. Notice how it said women and not men? I understand that in today’s modern society thinks of both men and women when talking about virgins but it’s important to note that it was about women first. A woman’s virginity was supposed to be saved for marriage because if it wasn’t, a woman would never find a man to love her because she would have been known as “damaged goods” because “the hymen was broken outside of marriage”.

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The whole idea of virginity nowadays and when I was growing up was “if you can’t get a guy to sleep with you then you’re not good enough” and “if you can’t get a girl then you’re no man”.
Most people, especially older and more religious people would consider “losing your virginity” to be between a man and a woman, for a man to put his penis inside a woman’s vagina. So, what do we call the girls who have never been with a man? Or the men that have never been with a girl?.. and don’t intend to, or if a couple has only had anal sex and not vaginal sex?? Have they lost their virginity? The answer you’re looking for is yes.. But with the concept of “virginity” then no, they have not.
Women have learned to be scared of their first time having sex and they shouldn’t be. There is no such thing as “loads of blood” and terms like “it tears your hymen” don’t really help. Biology lesson LET’S DO IT:
People have known for so long that they hymen is a “wall” that needs to be broken or “teared” when you have sex for the first time and that’s why it bleeds and hurts (which it doesn’t).  A hymen has it’s own opening so that menstrual blood and other bodily fluids can get out, didn’t know that, did ya? It’s not so obvious if you’re about to search for it but it’s still there. It does stretch, no rips. Your hymen can be “broken” by many other activities like cycling, gymnastics, using a tampon for the first time, masturbation.
Also, the myth of “there will be loads of blood” is fake. Some women will bleed, BUT it’s just spotting but that’s rare for most women. However, the only reason you will bleed is because of not being wet enough when you start having sex resulting in motions being too quick and/or being rough. NOT because the “cherry is popped”.
I have said a lot about woman but to be fair, that is where it began. Boys and men are also affected by not losing their virginity. Men are the ones who are supposed to be the big guys and find loads of women and girls to sleep with and prove that they aren’t just little boys. That puts a lot of pressure on them to feel like they have to lost it now now now. And you don’t! You lose it when you want to and when you feel like it. It’s a big deal in schools that you need to lose it.
Last but not least in my rant, you are the only one in control of your virginity, your hymen, your genitals, YOU. So why do we talk about it like it is something that’s being taken or given? (or lost and I know I’ve talked about it a lot now but to be honest it’s the only phrase I can tolerate.
Moral of the story – don’t let it be lost or taken by someone. You do what you feel best and what you think is right.

anyway I’m out, that was a rollercoaster from start to finish it just makes me angry so I had to vent it out somewhere, peace out and I’ll see you all in about another 5 months!

 

-xoxo Gossip Girl

 

jk it just me

 

keep failing until one day, you succeed

new day, new thoughts,

today, I had my last exam. of course, I was nervous before we began but it was the kind of nervous that no more studying or work could fix. I had finished the sample paper, and since we were the first year with the new exam, there was nothing we could really base it off other than the 5 questions our lecturer had made for us. so, I woke up at 8am, grasped the notes I had unsuccessfully tried to write in my hands and sat in the car.
by ten to nine I was in college. In the canteen, with the friends I only started talking to at the beginning of my second year, despite being in the same class as them in first year. It’s crazy how these things happen.

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..and I know I still have a whole two years left but I couldn’t have asked for better people to make my college experience amazing. Anyway, so there we were. Calculating how much we have in the module so far.. eating croissants and drinking hot chocolate – well I was anyway – weird combination, right? For seventy cent each, how could you go wrong with croissants for breakfast! I was just sitting there and with about twenty pages in front of me, refusing to look at a single page. I couldn’t concentrate. I’m not sure if it was the excitement of finishing my second year of college, constantly thinking I wouldn’t make it, or was it just laziness.
As we were walking up to the exam hall I said to myself: “Just do it. There’s two questions. You know that you know them.”
And this was the first time I actually believed that I could. So we got ready and sat in our seats. The sweat began to fill my palms and even though I knew I could do it – there was a part of me that was so scared. Not only because it was the last one, but because I didn’t like it and struggled, not tremendously but a good enough amount. The invigilators handed out the exam papers about two minutes before half nine and as I turned the page, my chest felt so light and I could breathe. To everyone’s surprise (not really), our lecturer had given us two questions: word for word as the sample paper. So I wrote and I wrote, filling the pages with as much as I could and putting down as much knowledge that was in my head.

PRO TIP: don’t watch TV shows (gossip girl) when you’re making notes and supposedly “studying”

but seriously, I tried so hard to remember what I had written down last night when I was doing the sample paper instead of actually thinking about what the question is asking, which is my problem with most exams.

Most of the class had finished the two-hour exam within forty minutes and I just sat there waiting for it to be picked up. With about 15 minutes to spare until the first hour was over, I noticed I just completely left a very important part of the answer out of my booklet and I honestly think taking your time is an important thing in the exam and its a good idea to not let students out for the first hour – it allows you to think. I must’ve sat there staring at the clock for a good while until this came into my head. Take note that it was the part of the answer where most of my marks would come from.

After the first hour, we all pushed back our chairs and left the exam hall – no more until next year – what we’re all hoping. The day got warmer and even though it rained when I got home, I felt this relief. Relief that I didn’t have to worry anymore. I try not to and I act as if I’m not worried but there’s just some things you can’t help feeling.

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I probably should stop ranting now. I just wanted to explain… and say a little something.
So me being me, when I realized I didn’t want to study teaching in college, I had no idea why computers were pulling at me. I looked at courses, and read online forums and it seemed like such a magic thing. Software is a confusing thing but trust me, it’s also magic, however, there’s none if you don’t work for it. Just like anything in life. If you want it, if you wanna make it happen, then it’s up to you and nobody else. Throughout my first year I honestly didn’t work as much as I had hoped to and it’s my fault I’m not at the level that I should be. But I’m trying. That’s the point I’m trying to make – unless you are seriously struggling and not getting anywhere, then maybe take a break and think about what you really love. Other than that, keep on trying. Think – fail – think again and succeed. That’s what it’s all about!

I think that’s enough ranting for tonight. I feel like I’ve just had an epiphany but I had a lot to say and still have a lot to say about topics like this and college.. success doesn’t come easy. Don’t ever ever give up.

ON A LIGHTER NOTE, I’m on the last season of Gossip Girl and it’s just breaking my heart. Damn my depressing attachment issues and the beautiful Chuck Bass!

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Until we meet again… and until Adam regains his patience..

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I shall leave you with a quote by the one and only Steve Jobs that perfectly describes what I was making an attempt at saying before I kept rambling on:

“Everybody in this country should learn to program a computer.. because it teaches you how to think..”