keep failing until one day, you succeed

new day, new thoughts,

today, I had my last exam. of course, I was nervous before we began but it was the kind of nervous that no more studying or work could fix. I had finished the sample paper, and since we were the first year with the new exam, there was nothing we could really base it off other than the 5 questions our lecturer had made for us. so, I woke up at 8am, grasped the notes I had unsuccessfully tried to write in my hands and sat in the car.
by ten to nine I was in college. In the canteen, with the friends I only started talking to at the beginning of my second year, despite being in the same class as them in first year. It’s crazy how these things happen.

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..and I know I still have a whole two years left but I couldn’t have asked for better people to make my college experience amazing. Anyway, so there we were. Calculating how much we have in the module so far.. eating croissants and drinking hot chocolate – well I was anyway – weird combination, right? For seventy cent each, how could you go wrong with croissants for breakfast! I was just sitting there and with about twenty pages in front of me, refusing to look at a single page. I couldn’t concentrate. I’m not sure if it was the excitement of finishing my second year of college, constantly thinking I wouldn’t make it, or was it just laziness.
As we were walking up to the exam hall I said to myself: “Just do it. There’s two questions. You know that you know them.”
And this was the first time I actually believed that I could. So we got ready and sat in our seats. The sweat began to fill my palms and even though I knew I could do it – there was a part of me that was so scared. Not only because it was the last one, but because I didn’t like it and struggled, not tremendously but a good enough amount. The invigilators handed out the exam papers about two minutes before half nine and as I turned the page, my chest felt so light and I could breathe. To everyone’s surprise (not really), our lecturer had given us two questions: word for word as the sample paper. So I wrote and I wrote, filling the pages with as much as I could and putting down as much knowledge that was in my head.

PRO TIP: don’t watch TV shows (gossip girl) when you’re making notes and supposedly “studying”

but seriously, I tried so hard to remember what I had written down last night when I was doing the sample paper instead of actually thinking about what the question is asking, which is my problem with most exams.

Most of the class had finished the two-hour exam within forty minutes and I just sat there waiting for it to be picked up. With about 15 minutes to spare until the first hour was over, I noticed I just completely left a very important part of the answer out of my booklet and I honestly think taking your time is an important thing in the exam and its a good idea to not let students out for the first hour – it allows you to think. I must’ve sat there staring at the clock for a good while until this came into my head. Take note that it was the part of the answer where most of my marks would come from.

After the first hour, we all pushed back our chairs and left the exam hall – no more until next year – what we’re all hoping. The day got warmer and even though it rained when I got home, I felt this relief. Relief that I didn’t have to worry anymore. I try not to and I act as if I’m not worried but there’s just some things you can’t help feeling.

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I probably should stop ranting now. I just wanted to explain… and say a little something.
So me being me, when I realized I didn’t want to study teaching in college, I had no idea why computers were pulling at me. I looked at courses, and read online forums and it seemed like such a magic thing. Software is a confusing thing but trust me, it’s also magic, however, there’s none if you don’t work for it. Just like anything in life. If you want it, if you wanna make it happen, then it’s up to you and nobody else. Throughout my first year I honestly didn’t work as much as I had hoped to and it’s my fault I’m not at the level that I should be. But I’m trying. That’s the point I’m trying to make – unless you are seriously struggling and not getting anywhere, then maybe take a break and think about what you really love. Other than that, keep on trying. Think – fail – think again and succeed. That’s what it’s all about!

I think that’s enough ranting for tonight. I feel like I’ve just had an epiphany but I had a lot to say and still have a lot to say about topics like this and college.. success doesn’t come easy. Don’t ever ever give up.

ON A LIGHTER NOTE, I’m on the last season of Gossip Girl and it’s just breaking my heart. Damn my depressing attachment issues and the beautiful Chuck Bass!

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Until we meet again… and until Adam regains his patience..

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I shall leave you with a quote by the one and only Steve Jobs that perfectly describes what I was making an attempt at saying before I kept rambling on:

“Everybody in this country should learn to program a computer.. because it teaches you how to think..”

 

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